Despite their rapid learning skills, they seem to have very short memories. No matter how many times you take the rock out of Baby's mouth and say "No, no," or "Yucky!", every time she gets on the ground, she will pick one up and chew on it. If she catches you throwing something away, she will still return to the garbage can to retrieve it even after you have pulled her away 10 times (Thank you baby-gate manufacturers!). And no matter how many times you pull her away, she will still be interested in playing in the toilet water.
Toddlers will only remember what you told them for about 1 second if they didn't like what you said. This means you will have to repeat that he can not have food yet 15 times in the 5 minutes before Daddy gets home for dinner. It also means there will be repeated warnings not to jump on Baby.....followed by numerous "Time Outs" for jumping on Baby. You will be asked "Why" and expected to give the same answer you gave 30 seconds ago. And you will still have to ask him to pick up his crayons so they don't get broken 50 times even though he has realized that he only likes "fixed" (unbroken) crayons.
#5 You are a very logical person.
Have you ever done anything and not known why? You are going to want to immediately discontinue any such actions. First, you will need all your available energy to keep up with your Toddler and Baby and do your daily chores around the house. Second, everything you do will be questioned by your Toddler and mimicked by your Baby. "Mom, why did you take that plate off the table?" (Baby follows you to sink). "Why did you poop?" (Baby unrolls toilet paper). "Why do you let me color?" (Baby eats crayon). "Why do you have to make dinner?" (Baby and Toddler get mixing spoons from drawer). "Why do you have to work on the computer?" (Baby grabs mouse). "Why do you listen to music?" (Baby smiles as new song comes on). "Why did you drive that way?" (Baby squeals).
On the bright side, if you have ever felt the need to understand yourself better, you have a great therapist who is unlikely judge your actions as good or bad......but will act out the worst ones for you at the most inopportune moments like on isle 3 at the grocery store or the middle of Sacrament meeting. This will likely cause immense reflection on the behaviors you wish to continue and which you wish to curb ASAP.
#4 Organization is just not your thing.
If
you are one of those "a place for everything, and everything in its
place" type people, having a toddler and a baby around is going to wreak
havoc on your psyche. Of course, since the toddler was once a baby, most
of the dangerous things have already been moved out of the lower cupboards....but
now the upper cupboards are also in the "danger
zone." This unfortunately means there really is no where
to put things and have them be left alone. If you can find one space in
the house that is inaccessible, it is your medicine cabinet. Everything
else must be somewhat "at risk" of being touched, moved, broken, or
buried.
Couch
cushions may have been designed for sitting on, but really they are
multipurpose items that can be immediately transformed from seats, to forts, to
trampolines, to slides, ladders, and baby carriers.
Kitchen
utensils that you thought were for stirring make great magic wands, and both
Toddler and Baby are great at making them magically disappear right as you need
them.
That
deal-with-this-later mail pile you have on your counter is suddenly the best
source of coloring paper to be imagined. Once Toddler has made them
bright colors, they are often turned into confetti by Baby and used to decorate
your freshly vacuumed living room. This of course causes upset ranting from
Toddler about his masterpieces being destroyed while he was helping himself to
a snack from the candy jar. The candy jar is inevitably dropped spilling
the contents all over the stove just before you need to start dinner....pizza
anyone?
Speaking
of dinner, the clean dishes have been carted off to the sandbox while the dirty
dishes that you put neatly by the sink are probably all over the kitchen.
Throughout
your own childhood, your parents may have required you to make your
bed.....this is now an exercise in futility since as soon as you have completed
the task, Toddler will lift Baby onto the bed and create a cave that they can
both play in—whether Baby wants to or not.
The
shoes you thought you took off right by the door last night have magically
walked off seemingly of their own accord. Your keys, that you always hang
on the hook somehow found their way to the plant on the toilet. Your
purse and all its contents have been carted off to the bathtub and separated
from each other. Toys that you just
threw in the toy box are suddenly all over the house. And clothes that you just
folded have become a hiding place for stuffed bears. Nothing will ever
stay where it is for long, so you'd better brush up on your hide and seek
skills....you're going to need them.
#3 You know everything.
Nope, not kidding. You must know everything. At least, you must have an answer for every question a toddler can think of. These are, of course, open ended questions and are often only 1 word: WHY? Skilled parents will teach their toddlers to ask the whole question before they answer. Why is the sky blue? Why do I need to wash my hair? Why are you going poop? Why does Daddy have to go to work? Why do we eat food? What are you talking about? Why is that hot? Why are we going to Grandma's house? Why can I color my pictures? Why, Why, Why?
Toddlers are great interrogators, as soon as you have answered the first question, they will ask a
follow up question, probably to make sure you actually knew what you were talking about. And should you display any indication that you don't actually know the answer, they will ask you why you don't know the answer. Sometimes you can distract them, or at least slow the questions by asking them the same question....but usually this is only a minor setback in what must be the toddlers' quest to ask 10 million questions by the time they reach age 4.
#2 Refereeing might be your dream job.
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| from: themetapicture.com/dont-turn-your-back/ |
Everyone cheers when the home team intercepts the ball from the opposition. The crowd usually goes wild if that interception leads to a score. One side excitedly cheering on their favorites, and the other side cursing the refs, shouting, "How did you not call that foul, are you blind?" But ultimately, the referee makes the call if the points stand or fall. If you love that kind of power and scrutiny, parenting a toddler and a baby is right up your alley!
First, you have to constantly watch the toddler to make sure he doesn't pummel the unsuspecting princess with any number of objects (couch cushions, pillows, teddy bears, blankets, trains, , chairs, blocks, books, baseball bats....) You must be vigilant about this because toddlers are very fast. One moment they might be building a fort on the couch, and the next they may have built a trampoline on top of the baby.
Second, those interceptions you love to watch on TV....they've got nothing on the hands of a toddler. Baby picks up anything, toddler swoops and for the steal. After repeated warnings that "you can't take something out of the baby's hands" the toddler has exhausted all his foul points and must be pulled from the game for a few minutes (ie, sent to his room). Only the quickest of eyes will notice that this stealing is not one sided, however. Babies are sneaky. They convince their parents that they are fragile little things incapable of taking something away from the "big bad toddler" but such is not the case. Usually Baby will wait close by until Toddler puts down the object just for a second before trying to take it, but occasionally, Baby will want something so bad, she will basically climb on Toddler to get it. These are moments of great confusion for the distracted ref-Mom who must determine who was actually playing with her shoe first.
Finally, you have to decide
when to call the game on account of bloodshed and when to just let them
duke it out. Okay, really you can't just let them duke it out, but you
also can't prevent every bump and bruise they are going to give each
other. Toddler is going to help Baby onto the couch and she is going to
fall off. Baby is going to pull Toddler's hair and he is going to
scream. She will also probably scratch his eyes out while trying to
show him how much she loves him and he is going to squeeze her breath
out giving her a hug. They might kill each other, but they also fiercely
love each other. They will be each others biggest challenges and
greatest support system.#1-You thrive on 3-4 hours of sleep.
Studies keep being released that the body NEEDS 7-9 hours of sleep a night, and mothers of a toddler and a baby everywhere LAUGH OUT LOUD. 7 hours, are you kidding me??? What dream world are you living in? Not that we wouldn't LOVE to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night (and enter that dream world scientist seem to be in), but lets, face it, it's not gonna happen. By the time you get the toddler to sleep (lets pretend he actually went to bed at bedtime and was asleep by 9:00), the baby is up again needing to be fed, changed, and what not which takes about an hour......10:00 p.m. Not a bad time for bed----except this is the first chance you have had all day to talk to your husband and you need to catch up on his week (Did I say week? I meant month) and by the time you've had a few minutes to enjoy each others company, the clock is somehow reading 12:00 p.m.....That's okay right, the kids usually sleep until about 7:30, should be good to go. But wait, just as you lay your head on the pillow, the baby is awake again wanting a bottle, luckily she can hold it herself.--12:30 Sleep at last. This short lived pleasure is quickly interrupted around 2:00 by the toddler who has had a bad dream and needs to sleep with you (you like cuddling right?) This wouldn't be so bad, except toddlers are wiggly sleepers and it takes about an hour for him to settle into position, which happens to be perpendicular to and between Mom and Dad. Eventually you are able to position yourself around him in some convoluted semi circle and fall back to sleep around 4:00. 5:00, Baby wakes up needing more
food.....what is
this, where does all that food go...oh yeah, she needs a diaper change
too. 5:30, back to sleep, 6:30 husband's alarm goes off 6:31, back to
semi sleep because toddler is wiggling again and you can hear that baby
is moving in her crib and you are praying she stays asleep. This state
of semi sleep continues until baby actually wakes up with bubbly happy
sounds all ready to play with her big brother who has now "woken up" and
is now drunkenly walking to the kitchen for his morning milk....Goodbye
sweet bed.
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