Write your representatives

 All that is necessary for the forces of evil to take root in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.--Edmund Burke

Many times I feel there is nothing I can do to combat the evils and wrongs I see in this world.  But one that has recently drawn significant media attention has me so concerned I have to do something....even if it is minimal and has no effect, for my children I have to try!  I am sending the letter below to every politician who supposedly represents me.  I invite anyone who feels the same to do so also.  You can even copy mine if it means you do it--but please note you are sending a letter someone else composed so they know it is coming from multiple people.  

You can find all your representatives quickly here.

Senator/Representative XXX,

First, I would like to thank you for your service to our State and Country.  This is a season of political upheaval around the Country, and I appreciate your willingness to serve in such a divided atmosphere.

Second, I would like to express my specific concern about an area of political division that has recently gained much media attention:  Gender neutral bathrooms.

In the past several years, the LGBT community and their supporters have gained an ever increasing amount of attention and acceptance among society.  They have sought legal protection through non-discrimination laws and demanded that society bend over backwards to make them comfortable.

In many cases, their requests have been reasonable, even agreeable.  They should be protected from physical harm, should not be denied safe places to live, nor fired from a position they are well qualified for.

However, it seems their progress in gaining social acceptance has now led them to make requests that not only DO NOT PROTECT THEM, but ENDANGER a very tender demographic of society: our children.

They have pushed for gender neutral bathrooms so they might feel more comfortable.  Some businesses have already implemented policies allowing this.  As evidenced by Target, and the media surrounding it with its new gender neutral policy, this is not a one sided issue.

Worse still, these changes are being forced on our schools.  It literally only takes seconds for Google to return horror story after horror story of children being sexually assaulted at school.               

According to the article “Sexual Harassment in Schools” by Nan Stein, PhD associated with the National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center  that can be accessed at this link http://bit.ly/1Sz0uWF , a study done by the American Association of University Women (AAUW) 83% of girls and 60% of boys surveyed reported experiencing sexual harassment in school.  Another similar study done in Connecticut reported that 92% of the girls and 57% of the boys reported experiencing at least one incident of sexual harassment in high school.  The AAUW data indicated that the majority of sexual harassment was instigated by a member of the opposite sex.  Here is a table from the article with the specific reports of instigators:

                Who the Harassers Are:                                            Girls                  Boys   

                A member of the opposite sex acting alone             81%                    57%

                A group of members of the opposite sex                 57%                    35%

                A mixed group of males and females                       11%                    13%

                A single member of the same sex                            10%                    25%

               A group of members of the same sex                        3%                    14%

The US News article “Sexual Harassment Frequent Among Middle School Students” from April 6, 2014 accessible at this link http://bit.ly/24iHUcN states that 21.4% of incidents happened in the classroom.  If 21% of incidents can happen right under the teacher’s nose, how can we not expect sexual harassment to increase when no one can question why a boy may follow a girl into the “girls” bathroom, or a girl follow a boy into the “boys” bathroom.

LGBT supporters argue that Transsexual individuals are more comfortable in the bathroom of the gender they identify with.  I don’t see how that can be possible when the statistics show they are far more likely to be sexually assaulted by a member of the opposite biological sex.  And now they want to walk right into a private situation where biological differences are most evident—and allow sexual predators the same privilege. 

In my view, implementing gender neutral bathrooms with the current architecture in most schools and businesses would only increase the sexual violence against straight and LGBT individuals. 

Instead, I believe places that serve the public should be given encouragement and even incentives to increase the availability of individual-use restrooms.  Many stores already offer these in the form of “Family” bathrooms.  These types of bathrooms should allow any individual to feel comfortable without compromising the safety of others.

Thank you for your consideration of this matter.  I plead with you to make every effort you can to increase the safety of all people by maintaining the rights of businesses, governments, and individuals to have gender specific bathrooms.

Robyn Hathaway

Conference reflections

I loved President Nelson’s conference address this morning.

I recently read an article that indicated the young missionary sisters in the mission field are questioning their role as leaders in the church and wondering why they can’t have “more authority.”  Frankly, I hope that article was misleading and misguided about the sisters’ attitudes. 

Shortly after that I read an article indicating that the “lack of authority” of women in the church is caused more by culture than by revelation.

Both of those articles cause me concern because I have a daughter that I want to grow up to be a faithful young women, mother, grandmother and great grandmother.  I fear her being influenced by those who do not understand the sacred role of women as designated by God.  It is my belief that those attitudes stem from a lack of faith and trust in a loving God, and a lack of understanding for His plan for his children—both His sons and His daughters.

Over the past several years there have been groups of women pushing for more and more responsibilities in the church and demanding that the apostles treat them the same as they treat the men in the church.  I feel those women do not understand the sacred gifts unique to women and the way they compliment the sacred gifts unique to men. 

As I listened to President Nelson, I felt he was outlining the path I, as a mother, can take to help my daughter understand the power she can have in her sphere as a women—without jealousy or feelings of inferiority because men have been given different gifts and responsibilities.

I also had a sense during President Nelson’s talk that as women, we have been living “far beneath our privileges”.  (See this talk)   I believe this is in part because we are not expanding upon the gifts we have been given of caring and nurturing and covet the gifts of presiding and providing.

It seems many of the talks in this conference have been directed at having the spirit more fully active in our lives which will help us reach our full God ordained potential.  I hope I will be able to better implement them in my own life that I may rise to my potential, and help my daughter, son, and husband to do the same.

It is my testimony that God loves all his children, that He has a plan for each of us, and that as we seek to follow that plan by obeying the counsel of his living prophets, we will be guided  back to our Heavenly home where we shall be blessed with all that the Father hath.

A River Runs Through It

Have you ever had a sudden realization that you were focusing on the wrong thing?

Our little valley is technically in a desert.  And often times, our religious leaders ask us to join our faith and pray for rain.  Being a farming community, many of us know intimately well how much our lives and livelihoods depend on water.

That's probably why when it started hailing this afternoon, it didn't really cross my mind to pray that it would stop.....instead I prayed the Lord would protect my garden (the outcome of that one will be determined over the next few weeks).

For 20 minutes or so around 4:45 this afternoon, I would frequently turn to the window and watch the hail pelting my garden and silently pray it would be spared.  About 5:10 p.m. Jake arrived home dashing in and out of the house with only the words, "Hi, I've gotta go, we've got a big problem!"

I was at that point, pretty clueless and followed him out the back door, where I suddenly realized the fate of my garden was negligible compared to the fate of my HOUSE!

Water was cascading down the terraces in my back yard and filling our yard with thick muddy water.

Jake already had his boots on (he keeps them in the car), and was grabbing a shovel to head up hill to see if he could correct the flow and divert it from our yard.  I quickly changed my clothes (of course I would be wearing my newest outfit today), threw on an old pair of shoes, told the kids to stay in the house, and attempted to follow him.  There was only one major problem with that....I don't know the woods like he does.  I followed the water for a short time, but realized if I did find him, I would likely only be in his way.

As quickly as I could, I returned to our yard to evaluate what I could do there.  I noticed that the water had two main paths, one leading into the back yard creating a pool of water and a mountain of mud on the east side of our house, the other turning slightly south and flowing down our driveway.

I decided the best thing I could do was to encourage all the water to take the southern path.  I also knew two heads were better than one, and Jake was already who knows where up the mountain trying to clear the ditch that was supposed to be carrying the water on its merry way.

So I called my Mother- and Father-in-law.  I am so grateful they live close and are usually home when I have a crisis.  Only there was no answer!  Oh well, I had a few ideas.  I darted back outside to start shoveling away at the dirt.  I dug a little trench that encouraged some of the water to head south, but the water was moving so swiftly it was creating its own trench headed west!  I needed a dam, but every shovel full of dirt I threw in the path was quickly washed away.  I looked around for rocks I could use.....we had plenty....except I knew I wasn't strong enough to carry the ones that would be effective. 

Then I spotted the pallets!  Hurray for picking those up last weekend!  I hauled one up the hill as quickly as I could.  I was nearing the top when I heard the phone ring.  I had a pretty good idea it would be my Father-in-law, but there was no way I could get there in time to answer it.  I hoped my son (almost 4) would answer it.  But nope, it was my daughter (19 months) who got to the phone first.

I did my best to prop the pallet up with the shovel and ran back to the house to grab the phone.  I re-called my in-laws and got an answer on the 1st ring.  Help was on the way.

Back outside, my one pallet had fallen over and was allowing water to flow into the yard again.  So I hauled up a second pallet to act as a brace for the first. (They are visible at the top of this picture).

Jake near the beginning of shoveling out the mudslide

 

 

More of the mud/hail/water sludge 

Braced together, the pallets were effectively encouraging all the water to follow the south path to the driveway...now I had to figure out how to remove the water next to the house.  That's when my Father-in-law showed up---in his car!  I should have mentioned to come on the 4 wheeler as our driveway now more closely resembled a stream than a road.

Working together, we were able to clear a path that allowed a large chunk of the water to reach north of the house and fall down the hill there.  We continued to shovel water and dig trenches to guide the water.  When Jake returned (around 6:00???)  we had most of the water away from the house except for what I was bucketing out of the flower bed.  Jake ran to get the shop vac (one of the worlds greatest inventions) and sucked most of the remaining water out with that.

With the water diverted, our focus shifted.  Jake returned to the mountain to see if he could do anything to prevent this from happening again, and I began checking with the neighbors to see if they needed anything. 

Most of our neighbors escaped the flood, and those who hadn't already had crews helping them out, so I returned home.  Jake was back also, and we began shoveling out the mudslide.  2 1/2 hours later, we were pretty much bushed (or at least I was), and we decided to call it good for now.  Then my awesome brother-in-law showed up to help!

So he and Jake went back to shoveling while I ordered hamburgers for our very late dinner.

Gratefully, it seems no water actually entered the house.  Whoever built it didn't include any windows on the east side in the basement, probably because of the depth of the foundation compared to the surrounding ground, a fact I am exceptionally grateful for tonight :)

Except for a few sore muscles, and sadly our garden, things will be just about back to how they were before the storm come morning.

Our garden on 7/3

Our garden on 7/8 after the hailstorm

My House Doesn't Always Look Like This

Have you ever just dropped in on someone, been invited in, looked around their immaculate home and thought, "How does she keep her house SO CLEAN???" (If it was my house, you must have come on cleaning day ;) )

Or perhaps you have dropped in on someone and left wondering "does she ever clean that house?" (Again, if this was me, you probably came right after busy week at work).

I have read a few blog posts recently that are probably part of what some have termed the "Mommy wars."  I'm not exactly up to date with either side, nor do I really care to be, but as a quick overview, some blogs were talking about how important it is to keep a clean home, while others were emphasizing that spending time with your children is the most important thing you can do, even at the expense of housecleaning.  Honestly, both sides have some merit, and I'm not about to decide which one is right for you.

But as I read those articles, I realized something.  There are likely people who have thought both things about me.  I can think of a few people who have visited my home several times, and likely found very few things out of place (and I probably apologized for those).  They are often the people who schedule their visits ahead of time allowing me enough time to put things away, make sure the dishes are washed, the kids are reasonably clean, and my house is generally in order.

But there are also people who just drop in....and who knows what they have seen.  Perhaps they have come after my busy week at work, where I barely manage to keep enough dishes clean for the next meal so most of the week's dishes are piled around the sink.  Perhaps the floor was coated in kids crumbs from the last 3 or 4 days because I haven't had time to sweep.  Maybe one of the kids was coated from head to toe in yogurt. And most likely, all the couch cushions were on the floor being used as trampolines while a zoo full of stuffed animals removed any chance of guessing the color of my carpet.

The thing is, no matter which version of my house you have in your head, MY HOUSE DOESN'T ALWAYS LOOK THAT WAY!

We are real people, we do our best to keep our home livable and fun.  At times we do feel it is important to clean up the ENTIRE house.  Sometimes it is a week or two before we get around to even the most basic of cleaning chores. 

So, from something I read a long time ago. If you are coming to see me, feel free to drop in.  If you are coming to see my house, make an appointment.

Either way, know:  My house doesn't always look like this ;)

6 signs you are ready to to have a toddler and a baby:

#6 You LOVE repetition.

Toddlers and Babies are both in the learning process.  Everything is new to them and they love to practice their developing skills until they master them.  For Baby, this means you will play endless games of "pick up the spoon" at meal time and peekaboo at play time.  For Toddler, this means you will build the same block tower over and over, endure memory played incorrectly dozens of times, assemble a 9 piece puzzle well over 90 times, and count to 10 so many times you just as well have counted to 10 million.

Despite their rapid learning skills, they seem to have very short memories.  No matter how many times you take the rock out of Baby's mouth and say "No, no," or "Yucky!", every time she gets on the ground, she will pick one up and chew on it.  If she catches you throwing something away, she will still return to the garbage can to retrieve it even after you have pulled her away 10 times (Thank you baby-gate manufacturers!).  And no matter how many times  you pull her away, she will still be interested in playing in the toilet water.

Toddlers will only remember what you told them for about 1 second if they didn't like what you said.  This means you will have to repeat that he can not have food yet 15 times in the 5 minutes before Daddy gets home for dinner.  It also means there will be repeated warnings not to jump on Baby.....followed by numerous "Time Outs" for jumping on Baby.  You will be asked "Why" and expected to give the same answer you gave 30 seconds ago.  And you will still have to ask him to pick up his crayons so they don't get broken 50 times even though he has realized that he only likes "fixed" (unbroken) crayons.


#5 You are a very logical person.

Have you ever done anything and not known why?  You are going to want to immediately discontinue any such actions.  First, you will need all your available energy to keep up with your Toddler and Baby and do your daily chores around the house.  Second, everything you do will be questioned by your Toddler and mimicked by your Baby.  "Mom, why did you take that plate off the table?" (Baby follows you to sink).  "Why did you poop?" (Baby unrolls toilet paper).  "Why do you let me color?" (Baby eats crayon).  "Why do you have to make dinner?"  (Baby and Toddler get mixing spoons from drawer).  "Why do you have to work on the computer?" (Baby grabs mouse).  "Why do you listen to music?" (Baby smiles as new song comes on). "Why did you drive that way?" (Baby squeals).

On the bright side, if you have ever felt the need to understand yourself better, you have a great therapist who is unlikely judge your actions as good or bad......but will act out the worst ones for you at the most inopportune moments like on isle 3 at the grocery store or the middle of Sacrament meeting.  This will likely cause immense reflection on the behaviors you wish to continue and which you wish to curb ASAP.


#4 Organization is just not your thing.

If you are one of those "a place for everything, and everything in its place" type people, having a toddler and a baby around is going to wreak havoc on your psyche.  Of course, since the toddler was once a baby, most of the dangerous things have already been moved out of the lower cupboards....but now the upper cupboards are also in the "danger zone."    This unfortunately means there really is no where to put things and have them be left alone.  If you can find one space in the house that is inaccessible, it is your medicine cabinet.  Everything else must be somewhat "at risk" of being touched, moved, broken, or buried.  

Couch cushions may have been designed for sitting on, but really they are multipurpose items that can be immediately transformed from seats, to forts, to trampolines, to slides, ladders, and baby carriers.

Kitchen utensils that you thought were for stirring make great magic wands, and both Toddler and Baby are great at making them magically disappear right as you need them. 

That deal-with-this-later mail pile you have on your counter is suddenly the best source of coloring paper to be imagined.  Once Toddler has made them bright colors, they are often turned into confetti by Baby and used to decorate your freshly vacuumed living room. This of course causes upset ranting from Toddler about his masterpieces being destroyed while he was helping himself to a snack from the candy jar.  The candy jar is inevitably dropped spilling the contents all over the stove just before you need to start dinner....pizza anyone?

Speaking of dinner, the clean dishes have been carted off to the sandbox while the dirty dishes that you put neatly by the sink are probably all over the kitchen.

 Throughout your own childhood, your parents may have required you to make your bed.....this is now an exercise in futility since as soon as you have completed the task, Toddler will lift Baby onto the bed and create a cave that they can both play in—whether Baby wants to or not.

The shoes you thought you took off right by the door last night have magically walked off seemingly of their own accord.  Your keys, that you always hang on the hook somehow found their way to the plant on the toilet.  Your purse and all its contents have been carted off to the bathtub and separated from each other.  Toys that you just threw in the toy box are suddenly all over the house. And clothes that you just folded have become a hiding place for stuffed bears.  Nothing will ever stay where it is for long, so you'd better brush up on your hide and seek skills....you're going to need them.

#3 You know everything.

Nope, not kidding.  You must know everything.  At least, you must have an answer for every question a toddler can think of.  These are, of course, open ended questions and are often only 1 word: WHY?  Skilled parents will teach their toddlers to ask the whole question before they answer.  Why is the sky blue? Why do I need to wash my hair?  Why are you going poop? Why does Daddy have to go to work?  Why do we eat food?  What are you talking about?  Why is that hot?  Why are we going to Grandma's house? Why can I color my pictures?  Why, Why, Why?

Toddlers are great interrogators, as soon as you have answered the first question, they will ask a
follow up question, probably to make sure you actually knew what you were talking about.  And should you display any indication that you don't actually know the answer, they will ask you why you don't know the answer.  Sometimes you can distract them, or at least slow the questions by asking them the same question....but usually this is only a minor setback  in what must be the toddlers' quest to ask 10 million questions by the time they reach age 4.


#2 Refereeing might be your dream job.

from: themetapicture.com/dont-turn-your-back/

Everyone cheers when the home team intercepts the ball from the opposition.  The crowd usually goes wild if that interception leads to a score. One side excitedly cheering on their favorites, and the other side cursing the refs, shouting, "How did you not call that foul, are you blind?" But ultimately, the referee makes the call if the points stand or fall.  If you love that kind of power and scrutiny, parenting a toddler and a baby is right up your alley!
First, you have to constantly watch the toddler to make sure he doesn't pummel the unsuspecting princess with any number of objects (couch cushions, pillows, teddy bears, blankets, trains, , chairs, blocks, books, baseball bats....)  You must be vigilant about this because toddlers are very fast.  One moment they might be building a fort on the couch, and the next they may have built a trampoline on top of the baby.

Second, those interceptions you love to watch on TV....they've got nothing on the hands of a toddler.  Baby picks up anything, toddler swoops and for the steal.  After repeated warnings that "you can't take something out of the baby's hands" the toddler has exhausted all his foul points and must be pulled from the game for a few minutes (ie, sent to his room).  Only the quickest of eyes will notice that this stealing is not one sided, however.  Babies are sneaky.  They convince their parents that they are fragile little things incapable of taking something away from the "big bad toddler" but such is not the case.  Usually Baby will wait close by until Toddler puts down the object just for a second before trying to take it, but occasionally, Baby will want something so bad, she will basically climb on Toddler to get it.  These are moments of great confusion for the distracted ref-Mom who must determine who was actually playing with her shoe first.

Finally, you have to decide when to call the game on account of bloodshed and when to just let them duke it out.  Okay, really you can't just let them duke it out, but you also can't prevent every bump and bruise they are going to give each other.  Toddler is going to help Baby onto the couch and she is going to fall off.  Baby is going to pull Toddler's hair and he is going to scream.  She will also probably scratch his eyes out while trying to show him how much she loves him and he is going to squeeze her breath out giving her a hug. They might kill each other, but they also fiercely love each other.  They will be each others biggest challenges and greatest support system.


#1-You thrive on 3-4 hours of sleep.


Studies keep being released that the body NEEDS 7-9 hours of sleep a night, and mothers of a toddler and a baby everywhere LAUGH OUT LOUD.  7 hours, are you kidding me???  What dream world are you living in?  Not that we wouldn't LOVE to get 7-9 hours of sleep a night (and enter that dream world scientist seem to be in), but lets, face it, it's not gonna happen.  By the time you get the toddler to sleep (lets pretend he actually went to bed at bedtime and was asleep by 9:00),  the baby is up again needing to be fed, changed, and what not which takes about an hour......10:00 p.m.  Not a bad time for bed----except this is the first chance you have had all day to talk to your husband and you need to catch up on his week (Did I say week? I meant month) and by the time you've had a few minutes to enjoy each others company, the clock is somehow reading 12:00 p.m.....That's okay right, the kids usually sleep until about 7:30, should be good to go.  But wait, just as you lay your head on the pillow, the baby is awake again wanting a bottle, luckily she can hold it herself.--12:30 Sleep at last.   This short lived pleasure is quickly interrupted around 2:00 by the toddler who has had a bad dream and needs to sleep with you (you like cuddling right?)  This wouldn't be so bad, except toddlers are wiggly sleepers and it takes about an hour for him to settle into position, which happens to be perpendicular to and between Mom and Dad.  Eventually you are able to position yourself around him in some convoluted semi circle and fall back to sleep around 4:00.  5:00, Baby wakes up needing more food.....what is this, where does all that food go...oh yeah, she needs a diaper change too. 5:30, back to sleep, 6:30 husband's alarm goes off 6:31, back to semi sleep because toddler is wiggling again and you can hear that baby is moving in her crib and you are praying she stays asleep.  This state of semi sleep continues until baby actually wakes up with bubbly happy sounds all ready to play with her big brother who has now "woken up" and is now drunkenly walking to the kitchen for his morning milk....Goodbye sweet bed.